Something completely amazing has happened to me. I am a runner!!!!! Those are words that I have dreamed of saying my entire life, but honestly never thought I would be able to say. Anyone who knows me knows that I am NOT an athletic person. I am very clumsy. I have had my moments of working out. I did the Taebo thing for quite some time and had amazing results from that. I have gone to the gym and walked, but NEVER did I think I would be a runner.
I went from literally laying in bed sick for a year and a half to walking (with a tiny bit of jogging) a 5k feeling like I wanted to die. I then did a little more walkng and did another 5k that was brudal. It was then that I realized I was nowhere near prepared. I started walking on my treadmill. Slowly, over a week and a half I have come to walk and run. I know I am not anywhere near close to running an entire 5k, which is my short term goal, but I know I am well on my way.
I am still amazed when I am on my treadmill running 5.0 and 5.5 miles per hour that I am actually doing it. I am also amazed that I am loving every minute of it! It is seriously addicting to run. I am so proud of myself for getting up and getting healthy one run at a time.
One more thing, if you are reading this thinking you could never do it, you can!!! I used to think the same thing, and look at me now.
5k, 13.1 and 26.2 here I come!!!!!
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Forgiveness
My new motto for life is: forgiven people forgive. We are all forgiven people. God sacraficed his only son so that we could be forgiven of our sins. If God was willing to do that to forgive us we should be willing to forgive others no matter what, right? Sometimes it just isn't that easy. I want it to be. I work really hard at forgiveness. It is my favorite part of God. I love it so much that I really want to get a white ink tattoo of the word forgiven on my inner left wrist. That still doesn't mean that I don't have a hard time forgiving others.
I recently had a falling out with a family member. This particular family member and I have always had a hard time getting along. It is normal for us to be getting along fine and then all of a sudden someone gets upset and we don't talk for months. I HATE it. I know that my family member hates it too. I realized that it is not just the other person. It is me too. I decided to own my part of the problem. I apologized and admitted what I had done wrong. I was pleasantly surprised that my family member apologized too. We each explained our points of view and now we better understand where the other person is coming from. Isn't it amazing how God works like that? You finally give in to your stupid pride and follow God and good things come of it.
Those of you who know me well know that my father is not in the picture. He left us when I was around 3 years old. He has tried to make contact over the years but never followed through. I contacted him when I was a junior at Mercer. I told him that I didn't care about everything in the past and that I just wanted to build a relationship and move forward. He agreed. I gave him all of my contact informaion. I told him that the ball was in his court. That was the last time I ever heard from him. That was 8 years ago. That is the one person I have still yet to forgive. I just cannot understand how you don't want to know your children. I am not asking for anything. I don't need money, I have already been raised, and I don't need a daddy (My mom filled in for that). I would just like to build a relationship with him. To get to know this other half of me and to have him know me. It just still makes me very sad and angry. If I am honest with myself and with you it truly breaks my heart. It is so hard to know that one of the 2 people in your life who are supposed to love you unconditionally, your parents, doesn't want you. Like I said I am working on forgiving him. Prayer works so I continue to pray. I would appreciate your prayers as well :)
On a happier note I went to visit my father's mom today. I have not visited with my grandmother Hammontree since I was probably about 15 years old. I am ashamed to say that is has been that long. I have kept in touch with her over the years. I have struggled with this relationship as well. For a very long time I felt like she should attempt to see me, she should keep the relationship going. I felt like she was the adult in the relationship and it was her responsibility. I also wondered if she even cared. Deep down I think I knew that she cared, but part of me wondered if she cared because my dad didn't. Seeing her today was wonderful. I got to see pictures of family members. We discussed our health, our beliefs in God (which happen to be identical), Parker, and so many other things. I showed her our wedding album. I also had questions for her about my father. Of course she didn't have the answers. Only he does. I am happy to say that I will be going back to see her again next Tuesday and I am taking Parker to meet her. I want her to become a part of my life again. I want to talk to her weekly and see her as often as I can. I missed out on that side of the family for too long. I thank God that he put it in my heart to contact her and request a visit. I thank God he led me to forgive any ill feelings that I had towards her.
I am happy to be moving forward with my Grandmother and other family member. I hope and pray that I can continue to have productive, loving relationships with them. I also pray that I can continue to work on my feelings towards my father and eventually forgive him. I also realize that I need to pray for him too. Forgiveness is a hard thing, but if God can forgiveness there is no reason why we cannot forgive one another.
I recently had a falling out with a family member. This particular family member and I have always had a hard time getting along. It is normal for us to be getting along fine and then all of a sudden someone gets upset and we don't talk for months. I HATE it. I know that my family member hates it too. I realized that it is not just the other person. It is me too. I decided to own my part of the problem. I apologized and admitted what I had done wrong. I was pleasantly surprised that my family member apologized too. We each explained our points of view and now we better understand where the other person is coming from. Isn't it amazing how God works like that? You finally give in to your stupid pride and follow God and good things come of it.
Those of you who know me well know that my father is not in the picture. He left us when I was around 3 years old. He has tried to make contact over the years but never followed through. I contacted him when I was a junior at Mercer. I told him that I didn't care about everything in the past and that I just wanted to build a relationship and move forward. He agreed. I gave him all of my contact informaion. I told him that the ball was in his court. That was the last time I ever heard from him. That was 8 years ago. That is the one person I have still yet to forgive. I just cannot understand how you don't want to know your children. I am not asking for anything. I don't need money, I have already been raised, and I don't need a daddy (My mom filled in for that). I would just like to build a relationship with him. To get to know this other half of me and to have him know me. It just still makes me very sad and angry. If I am honest with myself and with you it truly breaks my heart. It is so hard to know that one of the 2 people in your life who are supposed to love you unconditionally, your parents, doesn't want you. Like I said I am working on forgiving him. Prayer works so I continue to pray. I would appreciate your prayers as well :)
On a happier note I went to visit my father's mom today. I have not visited with my grandmother Hammontree since I was probably about 15 years old. I am ashamed to say that is has been that long. I have kept in touch with her over the years. I have struggled with this relationship as well. For a very long time I felt like she should attempt to see me, she should keep the relationship going. I felt like she was the adult in the relationship and it was her responsibility. I also wondered if she even cared. Deep down I think I knew that she cared, but part of me wondered if she cared because my dad didn't. Seeing her today was wonderful. I got to see pictures of family members. We discussed our health, our beliefs in God (which happen to be identical), Parker, and so many other things. I showed her our wedding album. I also had questions for her about my father. Of course she didn't have the answers. Only he does. I am happy to say that I will be going back to see her again next Tuesday and I am taking Parker to meet her. I want her to become a part of my life again. I want to talk to her weekly and see her as often as I can. I missed out on that side of the family for too long. I thank God that he put it in my heart to contact her and request a visit. I thank God he led me to forgive any ill feelings that I had towards her.
I am happy to be moving forward with my Grandmother and other family member. I hope and pray that I can continue to have productive, loving relationships with them. I also pray that I can continue to work on my feelings towards my father and eventually forgive him. I also realize that I need to pray for him too. Forgiveness is a hard thing, but if God can forgiveness there is no reason why we cannot forgive one another.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Excited about the future
First of all let me start by saying how excited I am that my brother in law Jesse has finally found the right girl! The first night I met her I knew that she was great for him. I even sent him a text and told him that he would end up marrying her. She is just a sweet, normal, down to earth, southern girl. That is really all I have ever wanted in a sister in law. If he screws this up and does not marry her I will murder him! I say all this to get to my point. This past Saturday I sent Kelly a text to see how her last OB appointment had gone. We were texting back and forth when she told me that she had just run a 5k. I was shocked. Homegirl ran a 5k and she is like 13 weeks preggo. She is like superwoman or something. Anyhow, I told her that one of my bucket list items was to run a 5k. Her response, I will teach you to run. I was floored. How sweet! Needless to say to those of you who know me well, my only GA sister in law on Lee's side has never been nice to me like this. It felt so refreshing. This is truly the kind of sister in law I have always prayed for. Don't get me wrong, Brandon's wife Lisa is great, and she always does kind things for me too. I just don't have anyone here in GA on Lee's side, until now :)
So, Kelly quickly informed me what shoes to get and asked me if I was available this coming Saturday to train. I feel a little bad because I don't think she realizes that I have literally been in bed sick for the last year. Oh well, I am determined so we will get there together! I went Monday and got the Nike plus and sensor. I also downloaded tons of running songs onto my iPhone. I got the couch to 5K ap and was ready to get started Tuesday. Of course I wake up Tuesday not feeling well. By the time I got home I fell into bed and did not get up until around lunch time Wednesday. The evil stomach virus had attacked! The good new is I think I am just about over it. No matter what I am doing some sort of working out tomorrow. I cannot let this super sweet girl down.
Hopefully you will be hearing more from me soon on my training and plans to run my first 5k. I won't lie though, I will probably be writing about my lovely sister in law to be and my future niece or nephew too. Until then, I am just excited about the future!
So, Kelly quickly informed me what shoes to get and asked me if I was available this coming Saturday to train. I feel a little bad because I don't think she realizes that I have literally been in bed sick for the last year. Oh well, I am determined so we will get there together! I went Monday and got the Nike plus and sensor. I also downloaded tons of running songs onto my iPhone. I got the couch to 5K ap and was ready to get started Tuesday. Of course I wake up Tuesday not feeling well. By the time I got home I fell into bed and did not get up until around lunch time Wednesday. The evil stomach virus had attacked! The good new is I think I am just about over it. No matter what I am doing some sort of working out tomorrow. I cannot let this super sweet girl down.
Hopefully you will be hearing more from me soon on my training and plans to run my first 5k. I won't lie though, I will probably be writing about my lovely sister in law to be and my future niece or nephew too. Until then, I am just excited about the future!
Thursday, April 12, 2012
On the Road to Recovery
I am happy to report that I finally have a diagnosis and am on the road to being normal again!!! My new endocrinologist was literally a gift from God. I had many friends praying for me before I went to the appointment. I prayed every day that she would be the doctor to make me better. I even submitted a prayer request to K-Love. When she walked into the exam room, she asked a ton of questions about my medical history and looked at my lab work. She then told me that my thyroid was fine and that all my symptoms were from depression. I began to argue with her. My mom stopped me. My mom said "listen to her, she's right." I began to cry because it all made sense. My new doctor said "Are you a Christian?" I whispered yes through my tears. She told me that nothing is by chance, God has a reason for everything. She said that I was led to her by God and that the Holy Spirit was working through her to diagnose me.
I was diagnosed with hashimotos a year and a half ago. I have said from day one that I know there is something else wrong with me but the doctors just haven't figured it out yet. When I left my new doctor's office last Friday I no longer felt that there was something still left undiagnosed. I have depression. My first feeling was relief. Thank God that we finally know what it is. Thank God it is not life threatening. My next feeling was anger. Why in the world didn't any of my other doctor's realize this? Why had it taken so long to get this diagnosed? My next feeling was sadness. I just missed out on a year and a half of my life over something as easily treatable as depression. That sucks!!!
I went to my primary doctor first thing Monday. Of course she referred me to the coliseum hospital because they can get you referred to a psychiatrist quicker than a doctor's office. After talking to the sweet, sweet nurse at the coliseum she informed me that my depression was all chemical. Basically, I have no major issues in my life causing the depression. A chemical imbalance in my brain is the cause. She said that it could be that my post pardem depression could have just lingered and gotten worse, or the hashimotos could have caused depression. She also said that because the symptoms of hashimoto's and depression are so close to one another it made perfect sense that I never realized it was depression. That made me feel better! She referred me to a psychiatrist. Tuesday I was able to get an appointment with the psychiatrist and he doubled the medication I was already on for depression/anxiety. I go back to see him next week to check on how things are going. I am not back to the old me yet, but I can tell already that the medication is working. I don't feel as apathetic about things. I am not as tired all the time, and I genuinely have more interest in the people in my life. I am so looking forward to feeling the full effects of my medication and getting back to normal!
I have to be honest and tell you that I almost decided not to blog about the fact that I was diagnosed with depression. I don't know why there is such a stupid stigma attached to mental illnesses. In the end I decided that if I was so open and honest about my other illnesses why not be as open and honest about this one? Plus I really wanted to share the amazing way that God worked in my life to get me the help I needed. Miracles happen every day and prayer does work. I have always believed this, but I love it when I get to witness it first hand.
Thank you to all of my wonderfully supportive friends and family members, and to the people I don't even know who may have read this and prayed for me. I can never repay you for the part you played in helping me get my life back!!!
I was diagnosed with hashimotos a year and a half ago. I have said from day one that I know there is something else wrong with me but the doctors just haven't figured it out yet. When I left my new doctor's office last Friday I no longer felt that there was something still left undiagnosed. I have depression. My first feeling was relief. Thank God that we finally know what it is. Thank God it is not life threatening. My next feeling was anger. Why in the world didn't any of my other doctor's realize this? Why had it taken so long to get this diagnosed? My next feeling was sadness. I just missed out on a year and a half of my life over something as easily treatable as depression. That sucks!!!
I went to my primary doctor first thing Monday. Of course she referred me to the coliseum hospital because they can get you referred to a psychiatrist quicker than a doctor's office. After talking to the sweet, sweet nurse at the coliseum she informed me that my depression was all chemical. Basically, I have no major issues in my life causing the depression. A chemical imbalance in my brain is the cause. She said that it could be that my post pardem depression could have just lingered and gotten worse, or the hashimotos could have caused depression. She also said that because the symptoms of hashimoto's and depression are so close to one another it made perfect sense that I never realized it was depression. That made me feel better! She referred me to a psychiatrist. Tuesday I was able to get an appointment with the psychiatrist and he doubled the medication I was already on for depression/anxiety. I go back to see him next week to check on how things are going. I am not back to the old me yet, but I can tell already that the medication is working. I don't feel as apathetic about things. I am not as tired all the time, and I genuinely have more interest in the people in my life. I am so looking forward to feeling the full effects of my medication and getting back to normal!
I have to be honest and tell you that I almost decided not to blog about the fact that I was diagnosed with depression. I don't know why there is such a stupid stigma attached to mental illnesses. In the end I decided that if I was so open and honest about my other illnesses why not be as open and honest about this one? Plus I really wanted to share the amazing way that God worked in my life to get me the help I needed. Miracles happen every day and prayer does work. I have always believed this, but I love it when I get to witness it first hand.
Thank you to all of my wonderfully supportive friends and family members, and to the people I don't even know who may have read this and prayed for me. I can never repay you for the part you played in helping me get my life back!!!
Sunday, April 1, 2012
No filter - Sorry if I offend you!
First of all something is seriously wrong with my body. I don't know what it is because I am not a doctor, but I know my body and I know it is not normal. I went to my family doctor and she ran all the tests she could. She recommended that I see my endocrinologist and have him run some specific tests. I called him and told him that my family doctor wanted those tests run. When I had my appointment with him this past Monday he told me that he had not run the main test my family doctor wanted me to have. I kept telling him that I was having multiple symptoms and am not feeling well. He simply decided to keep my meds the same and sent me on my way. WHAT THE HECK!?! So, I promplty did some research and found a new endocrinologist in Atlanta. I have an appointment with this new doctor Friday. I really hope that she can provide some answers. I am so tired of having to feel like crap, tell my friends that I cannot do things with them because I don't feel well, and miss out on life.
Now, on to my second gripe for today. Because of all that is going on with my meds not working properly my anti-depresant/anti-anxiety medicine is pretty much not working at all. As I explained to my granny, this medicine is what I take to help me be able to be around other people without murdering them. I have basically turned into my mother in law. If I think it, I say it (no filter). So, if you cross me over the next week or so until all gets straight I apologize but you can blame my old endocrinologist who didn't properly do his job!
This brings me to the subject of friends. Being sick like this lets you realize who your real friends are. True friends will invite you to do things, and when you say "I'm sorry, but I am not feeling good. I want to come, but I can't." they will understand and they will continue to invite you to do things and not treat you differently. Being sick has led me to see that I had a few "friends" who were not true friends. It makes me a little sad because I thought that they were good friends, but it also pisses me off because I would not have done that to them. I really appreciate the many friends I have who have stuck by me and continue to invite me to things. The friends who ask how I am doing. The friends who ask if I need anything. I have even made new friends through work who are going through this roller coaster illness with me. They have be so supportive and kind and it truly means the world to me.
On that note, Thank you Donna, Nicole, Melissa, Jennifer, Lauren, Tarita for being such good friends and sticking by me. I appreciate your concern, love, support and compassion, and I love you all!
I never intended this blog to be about my stupid hashimoto's disease but for some stupid reason it has ended up being that way. I hope and pray that I get well soon and I can start blogging about more important things like gossip, television, shopping, etc. :)
Now, on to my second gripe for today. Because of all that is going on with my meds not working properly my anti-depresant/anti-anxiety medicine is pretty much not working at all. As I explained to my granny, this medicine is what I take to help me be able to be around other people without murdering them. I have basically turned into my mother in law. If I think it, I say it (no filter). So, if you cross me over the next week or so until all gets straight I apologize but you can blame my old endocrinologist who didn't properly do his job!
This brings me to the subject of friends. Being sick like this lets you realize who your real friends are. True friends will invite you to do things, and when you say "I'm sorry, but I am not feeling good. I want to come, but I can't." they will understand and they will continue to invite you to do things and not treat you differently. Being sick has led me to see that I had a few "friends" who were not true friends. It makes me a little sad because I thought that they were good friends, but it also pisses me off because I would not have done that to them. I really appreciate the many friends I have who have stuck by me and continue to invite me to things. The friends who ask how I am doing. The friends who ask if I need anything. I have even made new friends through work who are going through this roller coaster illness with me. They have be so supportive and kind and it truly means the world to me.
On that note, Thank you Donna, Nicole, Melissa, Jennifer, Lauren, Tarita for being such good friends and sticking by me. I appreciate your concern, love, support and compassion, and I love you all!
I never intended this blog to be about my stupid hashimoto's disease but for some stupid reason it has ended up being that way. I hope and pray that I get well soon and I can start blogging about more important things like gossip, television, shopping, etc. :)
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Will it ever get better?
We were at the Tunes and Balloons last night. There was a lady with a 4 month old. She was so thin. It reminded me of how I lost weight so quickly when Parker was born. There I sat with my 26 month old son in my gigantic size 16 shorts. I have NEVER been this large in my entire life. It just gets a bit depressing to know that you only gained 18 pounds during pregnancy, and lost 30 after having the baby. Then you got an aweful, horrible disease and poof you are suddenly 40 pounds heavier.
Every time I start to lose a few pounds and feel like I am finally getting back to normal something happens, and I am back to being in disapair. I am just so tired of it all! I was feeling great, and I had lost a tiny bit of weight and was feeling good about myself. Then, all of a sudden I gain like 10 pounds. Not to mention my moods are swining again. I am having extreme sensitivity to cold again, and I am extremely tired. I slept all day today. Guess what? I still feel tired. My memory is getting worse too.
I just want to get better. I have been going through this for a year and a half. I don't want pitty. I don't want to be in the spotlight. I just want to feel and look like myself again. I keep telling myself that God must have a lesson for me in all of this and I just haven't learned it yet. Perphaps I have not been kind to fat people, and this is teaching me to be more understanding and less shallow. Maybe I need to learn to treat people kindly even when they are not kind to me, because you never know what people are going through. I really don't know what God is trying to teach me. I just know that I want my health, my body, and my life back.
Every time I start to lose a few pounds and feel like I am finally getting back to normal something happens, and I am back to being in disapair. I am just so tired of it all! I was feeling great, and I had lost a tiny bit of weight and was feeling good about myself. Then, all of a sudden I gain like 10 pounds. Not to mention my moods are swining again. I am having extreme sensitivity to cold again, and I am extremely tired. I slept all day today. Guess what? I still feel tired. My memory is getting worse too.
I just want to get better. I have been going through this for a year and a half. I don't want pitty. I don't want to be in the spotlight. I just want to feel and look like myself again. I keep telling myself that God must have a lesson for me in all of this and I just haven't learned it yet. Perphaps I have not been kind to fat people, and this is teaching me to be more understanding and less shallow. Maybe I need to learn to treat people kindly even when they are not kind to me, because you never know what people are going through. I really don't know what God is trying to teach me. I just know that I want my health, my body, and my life back.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
God and good books
God constantly amazes me. I was recently going through some really rough things at work. I prayed for guidance. In fact, I asked God to give me a map of where I needed to go with my career. The next day there was a job posting. The job was one that I have always said I would LOVE to do. Naturally I applied. Now I have an interview. Oddly, I am now conflicted about it all. If I were offered the job should I take it? Why am I always so nervous and questioning things? I have been praying non-stop that God will just make His will clear to me. I need guidance more than ever. Why must I be so hard headed? Why did I ask God for a map and now I am questioning it? This is all just so hard. Any advice on this would be much appreciated!!!
On another note, I just finished reading The Hunger Games trillogy. I LOVED these books. I must say that I am sad that I am done reading these books. As with any good book, especially a series, I almost mourn the loss of the characters when I am finished reading. I have deeloped a realtionship with these people. When they are gone I truly miss them. Perhaps I get too invested in what I read. I really just can't help it though. Does this make me crazy?
On another note, I just finished reading The Hunger Games trillogy. I LOVED these books. I must say that I am sad that I am done reading these books. As with any good book, especially a series, I almost mourn the loss of the characters when I am finished reading. I have deeloped a realtionship with these people. When they are gone I truly miss them. Perhaps I get too invested in what I read. I really just can't help it though. Does this make me crazy?
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