We were at the Tunes and Balloons last night. There was a lady with a 4 month old. She was so thin. It reminded me of how I lost weight so quickly when Parker was born. There I sat with my 26 month old son in my gigantic size 16 shorts. I have NEVER been this large in my entire life. It just gets a bit depressing to know that you only gained 18 pounds during pregnancy, and lost 30 after having the baby. Then you got an aweful, horrible disease and poof you are suddenly 40 pounds heavier.
Every time I start to lose a few pounds and feel like I am finally getting back to normal something happens, and I am back to being in disapair. I am just so tired of it all! I was feeling great, and I had lost a tiny bit of weight and was feeling good about myself. Then, all of a sudden I gain like 10 pounds. Not to mention my moods are swining again. I am having extreme sensitivity to cold again, and I am extremely tired. I slept all day today. Guess what? I still feel tired. My memory is getting worse too.
I just want to get better. I have been going through this for a year and a half. I don't want pitty. I don't want to be in the spotlight. I just want to feel and look like myself again. I keep telling myself that God must have a lesson for me in all of this and I just haven't learned it yet. Perphaps I have not been kind to fat people, and this is teaching me to be more understanding and less shallow. Maybe I need to learn to treat people kindly even when they are not kind to me, because you never know what people are going through. I really don't know what God is trying to teach me. I just know that I want my health, my body, and my life back.
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