Forgiveness

My new motto for life is: forgiven people forgive.  We are all forgiven people.  God sacraficed his only son so that we could be forgiven of our sins.  If God was willing to do that to forgive us we should be willing to forgive others no matter what, right?  Sometimes it just isn't that easy. I want it to be.  I work really hard at forgiveness.  It is my favorite part of God.  I love it so much that I really want to get a white ink tattoo of the word forgiven on my inner left wrist.  That still doesn't mean that I don't have a hard time forgiving others.

I recently had a falling out with a family member.  This particular family member and I have always had a hard time getting along.  It is normal for us to be getting along fine and then all of a sudden someone gets upset and we don't talk for months.  I HATE it.  I know that my family member hates it too.  I realized that it is not just the other person.  It is me too. I decided to own my part of the problem.  I apologized and admitted what I had done wrong.  I was pleasantly surprised that my family member apologized too.  We each explained our points of view and now we better understand where the other person is coming from.  Isn't it amazing how God works like that?  You finally give in to your stupid pride and follow God and good things come of it.

Those of you who know me well know that my father is not in the picture.  He left us when I was around 3 years old.  He has tried to make contact over the years but never followed through.  I contacted him when I was a junior at Mercer.  I told him that I didn't care about everything in the past and that I just wanted to build a relationship and move forward.  He agreed.  I gave him all of my contact informaion.  I told him that the ball was in his court.  That was the last time I ever heard from him.  That was 8 years ago.  That is the one person I have still yet to forgive. I just cannot understand how you don't want to know  your children.  I am not asking for anything.  I don't need money, I have already been raised, and I don't need a daddy (My mom filled in for that).  I would just like to build a relationship with him.  To get to know this other half of me and to have him know me.  It just still makes me very sad and angry.  If I am honest with myself and with you it truly breaks my heart.  It is so hard to know that one of the 2 people in your life who are supposed to love you unconditionally, your parents, doesn't want you.  Like I said I am working on forgiving him.  Prayer works so I continue to pray.  I would appreciate your prayers as well :)

On a happier note I went to visit my father's mom today.  I have not visited with my grandmother Hammontree since I was probably about 15 years old.  I am ashamed to say that is has been that long.  I have kept in touch with her over the years.  I have struggled with this relationship as well.  For a very long time I felt like she should attempt to see me, she should keep the relationship going.  I felt like she was the adult in the relationship and it was her responsibility.  I also wondered if she even cared.  Deep down I think I knew that she cared, but part of me wondered if she cared because my dad didn't.  Seeing her today was wonderful.  I got to see pictures of family members.  We discussed our health, our beliefs in God (which happen to be identical), Parker, and so many other things.  I showed her our wedding album.  I also had questions for her about my father.  Of course she didn't have the answers.  Only he does.  I am happy to say that I will be going back to see her again next Tuesday and I am taking Parker to meet her.  I want her to become a part of my life again.  I want to talk to her weekly and see her as often as I can.  I missed out on that side of the family for too long.  I thank God that he put it in my heart to contact her and request a visit.  I thank God he led me to forgive any ill feelings that I had towards her.

I am happy to be moving forward with my Grandmother and other family member.  I hope and pray that I can continue to have productive, loving relationships with them.  I also pray that I can continue to work on my feelings towards my father and eventually forgive him.  I also realize that I need to pray for him too.  Forgiveness is a hard thing, but if God can forgiveness there is no reason why we cannot forgive one another.

Excited about the future

     First of all let me start by saying how excited I am that my brother in law Jesse has finally found the right girl!  The first night I met her I knew that she was great for him.  I even sent him a text and told him that he would end up marrying her.  She is just a sweet, normal, down to earth, southern girl.  That is really all I have ever wanted in a sister in law.  If he screws this up and does not marry her I will murder him!  I say all this to get to my point. This past Saturday I sent Kelly a text to see how her last OB appointment had gone.  We were texting back and forth when she told me that she had just run a 5k.  I was shocked.  Homegirl ran a 5k and she is like 13 weeks preggo.  She is like superwoman or something.  Anyhow, I told her that one of my bucket list items was to run a 5k.  Her response, I will teach you to run.  I was floored.  How sweet!  Needless to say to those of you who know me well, my only GA sister in law on Lee's side has never been nice to me like this.  It felt so refreshing.  This is truly the kind of sister in law I have always prayed for.  Don't get me wrong, Brandon's wife Lisa is great, and she always does kind things for me too.  I just don't have anyone here in GA on Lee's side, until now :)
     So, Kelly quickly informed me what shoes to get and asked me if I was available this coming Saturday to train.  I feel a little bad because I don't think she realizes that I have literally been in bed sick for the last year.  Oh well, I am determined so we will get there together!  I went Monday and got the Nike plus and sensor.  I also downloaded tons of running songs onto my iPhone.  I got the couch to 5K ap and was ready to get started Tuesday.  Of course I wake up Tuesday not feeling well.  By the time I got home I fell into bed and did not get up until around lunch time Wednesday.  The evil stomach virus had attacked!  The good new is I think I am just about over it.  No matter what I am doing some sort of working out tomorrow.  I cannot let this super sweet girl down.
     Hopefully you will be hearing more from me soon on my training and plans to run my first 5k.  I won't lie though, I will probably be writing about my lovely sister in law to be and my future niece or nephew too.  Until then, I am just excited about the future!